On the Third day of Christmas, my Friends List gave to me
Three rings for the Elven-kings under the sky,
A double espresso
And a bunch of miscellaneous debris

Carter the Unstoppable Sex Machine – Post Historic Monsters
I think I missed the Carter USM Bandwagon, somewhere back in the mid-90’s. I don’t know how much of a bandwagon it was, but apparently they were something of an issue in certain circles in England at the time. Some punk sensibilities, in-your-face lyrics dealing with the controversial current affair du jour – all by two guys with a guitar and a drum machine.

It would probably have been a brief ride, though. Even in this album, where they beefed up their sound a bit with guitars and actual instruments and such, they still don’t hold your interest for long. And their alleged controversy, now a decade gone, feels ridiculously hollow on the rare occasions I bothered to listen to the lyrics.

The first few tracks, actually, are remarkably boring and banal. Punk/metal guitars and various screeching and shouting and a track appropriately titled “The Music That Nobody Likes”. Took me a few tries to skip over and get to the better stuff – I recommend you skip immediately to “Stuff the Jubilee”, around track 5 or so. It’s a rather silly “Stick it to the man” rant, made especially ridiculous considering they’re the spiritual spawn of the likes of the Sex Pistols who seemed to possess actual rage. The music gets nicer around these parts, though never actually rising above “OK”, and lyrics range from the faux-deep to the downright maudlin. Then a loud and jarring song before the end that just makes you feel like switching it off. Then a sappy finale.

Recommendations: The aforementioned “Stuff the Jubilee”, and the manically cheerful “Sing Fat Lady Sing”

Summary: If you find yourself around this album, you can give it a try and see if it tickles your fancy. Don’t make a special effort, though.